Christmas Card 2013

I know this awkward family photo thing is now played out, but it's fun, okay? Especially with Diego sitting next to me cracking up as I go along.

We didn't get around to taking pictures for a real card. So this is all we've got! 

Christmas with the Flu

Twas just days before Christmas and Mommy was done
With shopping and wrapping and was ready for fun.
She had finished her work to enjoy the season,
But that wouldn't happen for a very sad reason.

The flu.

Last weekend Eliana had a fever that lasted two days with no other symptoms. She was just tired and had no energy, but no cough, runny nose, nothing. So when Camila came down with a fever on Wednesday, I didn't think it was more than what Eliana had.

Little did I know.

When i was parked at the school waiting to pick up the boys, Mila threw up on herself and her carseat. She was lethargic and wanted to be held for the rest of the day. She threw up again after dinner. Marcelo and I had to go to dinner at the Bishop's house, so we asked my mom to watch the girls. She said Mila had good moments and bad, but no fever when she went to bed. When we checked on her before heading to bed that night, her fever was 103.4. We woke her up, gave her meds, and wet her head trying to bring down the fever. We would have put her in the bath, but she was shaking. She drank a little water and fell asleep in our bed. We checked on her all night. The fever never dropped below 102. On Thursday, I was a zombie. My angel of a mom picked up Eliana so I could sleep with Mila. Again she had a fever all day, between 100.8 and 103.2. Her eyes were watery and her rose was runny. She was coughing, but very little. I felt like I should take her in because I was worried about her getting an ear infection, and the word pneumonia was floating around in my mind. But for some dumb reason, I decided to give it another day. Dumb.

After another sleepless night, I called the doc first thing. They got me in right away. I was a tad late because Camila threw up just was we were leaving. (That's really the story of my life with 4 kids close in age.) I had already given her ibuprofen but her fever was was still 103.1 when the nurse checked it. The nurse took one look at her puffy eyes and said, "She has the flu." They gave her that torturous test and confirmed in less than two minutes that it was Influenza A. I teared up immediately knowing what this would mean for our family. The doctor came in and said "The good news is that you're within the 48 hour window, so Tamiflu should work and she should be much much better by Sunday, walking around and acting like herself." I asked what happens if we didn't make the 48 hour window...is she just sick for longer? and then he said the worst thing he's said to me in almost 8 years. I love the guy and I really, truly trust him more than any other doctor I've been to, but what he said to me was messed up. He said, and I quote, "Yes, she'll be sick for longer and could have complications. Complications of the flu are pneumonia and death. People die from the flu every year."

Let's just let that sink in for a moment. I haven't slept well in two days at this point. I've been caring round the clock for my baby who is sicker than I've ever seen in almost 8 years of being a parent, and I just found out that my baby has the flu, a virus that is highly contagious, and I'm sitting here processing it and thinking of all the ways that the rest of my family has already been exposed. And THIS is what he says to me. I started to cry but tried so hard to hold it together as I asked questions. I sat there kicking myself because this is the first year I decided to not get the kids flu shots. I had an appointment, but I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that I shouldn't make them get it. I got one myself because my doctor pressured me into it, so we'll see if it does anything.

I was still shaken up when I got home. I had almost nothing in my house that I could give Mila because I hadn't been able to go to the store. I called family first, then visiting teachers, but no one was available. Next I texted a lifesaver of a friend who was able to pick my boys up from school and bring me pedialyte for Mila. After 3 kids who have never once refused to take their medicine, I had no clue what to do when Mila wouldn't take the Tamiflu. She spit it out, clamped her mouth shut, and just flat out refused. I finally discovered that if I held her in my lap with her head hanging off my knees and very very slowly squirted tiny amounts of it into her mouth she couldn't spit it out. It was pure torture for her and for me. I spent the rest of the day holding her and trying (and failing) to keep the rest of the kids away from her. Eliana just did not understand the concept. Well, she understood but refused to comply.

Later that night my dad came over and he and Marcelo gave blessings all around. Mine said something about me being able to figure out how to help the kids. A little while later, it was time to give Mila tamiflu and I really didn't want to torture her again. I decided to make some really chocolatey chocolate milk and put the tamiflu in that. I tasted it and it still tasted like the bitter medicine. I prayed and basically said, "Please let this taste good to her." Then Camila, who at this point hadn't eaten in two days and had thrown up the little that she tried to eat, chugged that milk like it was the best ever and didn't throw it up! Such a relief.

Today is Sunday and so far, Camila has no fever. If it stays that way for the next couple of days, we won't have to take her in for a chest xray. Fingers crossed. But Diego has had a fever and cough since yesterday and Eliana seems like she'll be next.

This is what I'm bummed about: For the next week or so, I'm going to be worried everyday that someone else is coming down with the flu. I'm going to be checking temperatures nonstop and stressing about every cough or every time my kid looks like he has puffy eyes. There is no telling if they'll wake up feverish on Christmas, which would mean not getting to be with family for the Christmas festivities. There is no telling if we'll arrive at our destination for our Christmas vacation, only to have to keep a child out of the cold and snow because he's super sick. I'm really really bummed about having that hang over me. I'm also bummed because Eliana is missing the last SIX Sundays of nursery. By the time she's back at church, she'll be in Sunbeams. I'm probably way sadder about this than she'll be. This has always been an iffy time of year for us church wise because at least one kid is sick every other week, but this year has been the worst. I had sick kids two weeks in a row, then we went to my parents' ward over thanksgiving, and then two more weeks of sick kids, and next week we'll be out of town. Pretty sure that makes me inactive. And I'm not going to lie, when my husband left this morning for his 7ish hour church day, leaving me to deal with the sickies on my own, I was pretty jealous. Church would feel like a vacation.

Praying for a miracle! All I want for Christmas is a healthy family!

December 14th

Today is the one year anniversary of the Sandy Hook elementary school shooting. That horrible tragedy was one that affected me deeply since I had kids the same ages as the victims when it happened. It also happened at a point in my life where I had a lot of anxiety about the safety of my children. I felt what it was to mourn with those who mourn as I cried for days for the families who lost a child that day.

So this year, as the anniversary neared, I felt a lot of those feelings all over again. I decided that I was going to keep my kids home from school on the Friday before the one year mark. Part of it was because I just felt a little anxious about sending them that day, but a big part of it was that I decided to use the day to kind of shower my kids with love and not take them for granted. It's hard to put into words what I was thinking, and trying to makes me cry. But it was like I was telling the Sandy Hook victims, "Look! Because of you, parents everywhere hold their kids a little tighter." It makes sense in my head.

So we went to the zoo. We spent the day there taking our time to look at the animals, eat our packed lunch, pretend to be vets, and play in the sand. Mila loved the sand! It was all so very good for my soul. They all behaved the entire time and had big smiles on their faces. It was one of those rare perfect days where all goes better than planned. My only regret is not taking more pictures. Diego kept asking me to and I kept saying, "We're just going to enjoy it, not take pictures of it."

I love the shot of Celo looking up at the giraffe that was directly above him.

So so grateful to be Mommy to these 4 awesome kids.

That Time I Laughed All Day

We were invited to a White Elephant/Dirty Santa Christmas Party. I waited until the last minute to figure out what to get. On Thursday, I looked up ideas online and the one that stood out the most was to gift a framed picture of yourself. I called Marcelo and told him that when he got home we needed to take goofy pictures of ourselves to put in a frame. But it was Thursday, aka Crapday, so by the time he got home from school, it was almost 11 and I didn't remember this idea until we were almost asleep. I said, "Maybe I'll find existing pictures and photoshop a Santa hat onto us or something." In the morning, another idea hit me and we had this series of texts:

Me: Is it funny if I put our faces on random famous couples? Like the duck dynasty people, Mr. and Mrs. Claus...that's all I've thought of so far.

Marcelo: Sure.

Me: Sure is not convincing.

Marcelo: That's because I can't see the pics. It's like saying do you think a half horse half me is funny? It's hard to know without seeing. But the half horse would be funny.

Me: That's a good one. If I can find modest ones.

Me a little while later: Our heads on an ice staking couple in a great pose. Check your email.

This was the first one I did. I was dying laughing. During the girls' naps I just Photoshopped pictures and emailed them to him.  I had about 45 minutes to look for pictures and Photoshop them. I was taking my time at first, but by the end I was out of time and stopped trying to make them look real.

Later I had to take Celo to the dentist. As they worked on his teeth, I sat in a corner and laughed like an idiot every time I looked at that ice skating picture on my phone. I must have seemed crazy. Seriously, just look at it again. Marcelo's pose! Amazing.

After the dentist, I picked up the pictures and put them into a frame. My mom was at my house and we were cracking up. The kids were so confused, though. They were like, "When did you guys do these things?" I had some explaining to do.

Here is the completed gift:

I saved the mullet one, blonde one, and synchronized swimmers to show Marcelo when he got home. I was crying laughing showing him the mullet picture. I need it in an 8x10 in my bedroom. And I need the ice skaters in poster size. It's a bad mood killer!!

As we drove to the party, we thought, "This might only be funny to us. But oh well!" I also thought, "What if someone else does the same thing?" I told my good friend at the party that our gift might only be funny to us and she said that she and her husband felt the same way about their gift. That ended up being hilarious because their gift was also a framed picture of them! Great minds think alike. In the end, it was funnier than we expected it to be. The whole night was hilarious. So grateful for awesome friends. :)

Here's a close up look at these priceless family heirlooms.

Googling centaur is very dangerous. Don't do it. This is the only not scandalous centaur couple picture right here, so there's no need to go searching for another:

To go along with the Duck Dynasty craze happening right now. Even though we've never seen it:

This would not have made the cut if I had thought to search Awkward Family Photos earlier in the process. Sadly, I didn't think of that till the end!

Synchronized swimmers. Marcelo's idea. Did this one in a huge rush.

And then it hit me. Search Awkward Family Photos. By this time I had like 5 minutes left to pick a picture, photoshop it, and send them all to print. Oh the fun that could have been had!

I should never go blonde.

But Marcelo should really try to grow a beautiful head of hair like this one.

 As Marcelo said at the party, "Keep in mind that she can do this to anyone's picture at any time." Oh yes, friends and family. I can. And I will.

Personal Junk Your Probably Don't Need to Read

Last night was a pretty awful one. Eliana is really sick, so she slept in our bed. Never a fun time. Around 3, I woke up to, "Mommy, I need to go potty." After I took her to the bathroom, I could not fall back asleep for two hours. I laid there praying, "Please just let me fall asleep!" But sleep didn't come. Instead I thought about this blog post. Which was weird because it's not something I was planning on ever writing. But I guess I will.

Recently, it was brought to my attention that it's possible that I may come off as braggy on Facebook and Instagram. When I post things I do with my kids or as a family, it can be seen as show-offy. I feel pretty dumb. Naive. Whatever you want to call it. 

I've heard many moms talk about how hard it is to be a mom at this time because there are so many ways to see what other moms are doing and compare yourself to them. Moms will look at Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, blogs, etc, and feel bad about themselves because of what other moms are doing. While I understand how some could feel this way, I haven't felt that way myself, so I didn't really stop to think that anything I post online could make someone else feel that way. Let me explain.

I have SO many talented friends. One friend knits and crotchets the cutest things and sells them. Another sells adorable things she sews. Other friends make up recipes and have a popular blog and a couple of cookbooks. Another friend is such a talented writer that reading her blog about life with 5 kids cracks me up and makes me cry at the same time. Another friend is an amazing photographer. Another friend knows how to save her family tons of money by being a savvy shopper and couponing. Another friend has a year's worth of Family Home Evening lessons all ready to go in a binder and is great at finding teaching opportunities for her kids. Another friend is great at keeping an organized, spotless house. Another friend recently built a table for 10 using 2x4s, power tools, and her bare hands. When she was done with that, she built a slide next to her banister so coming down the stairs could be a tad bit more fun. After that, she cut a whole out of the wall in her sons' room to make a loft in the attic. Did I mention she has 6 kids and homeschools? And makes almost all her own food from scratch due to several allergies in the family? When I saw the pictures she posted of all the projects she's been doing, you know what I did? I sent her a message telling her how amazing she was. I sent her husband a message telling him his wife was Supermom. You know why? Because she is my FRIEND. And I love her. So her talents/abilities do not make me sad. They don't make me feel like I am less of a mother/wife. They don't make me roll my eyes with jealousy. They make me happy for her. They make me admire her. I feel that way about all of my friends. What's the point of being friends if you can't be happy for each other, support each other, and lift each other up? Really. What's the point? When someone I know is good at something, I tell them so. When someone I know is good at something I want to be good at, I ask them to teach me. That's how I started doing summer themes with my kids. My sister in law told me about what she was doing with her girls and I had seen some pictures of little field trips they took. It didn't make me roll my eyes and call her a show off. It made me think that sounded really fun, so I asked her to tell me how she planned it. 

The thing I have a hard time understanding...and I really don't mean any of this post to come off in a mean spirited way at all...is why moms compare themselves so much. I mean, to me, the bottom line is that my kids are never going to want to trade moms with someone else. Well, maybe when they're teenagers, who knows. But right now, they may think someone else is fun, a great cook, has a much more beautiful house, etc, but they will never want someone else to be their mom. I'm their mom. They know I love them. They love me. So what's the point of looking at someone else and thinking, "She's a better mom than I am because of X"? To my kids, she's not! My kids were sent to me because I am meant to be their mom. God has given me the talents/abilities that I need to meet their needs and help them on the path of life. So I just don't feel the need to compare myself. That doesn't mean I don't look at someone else and say, "Dang, I wish I knew how to use power tools." Or "I wish I knew how to sew" or "She seems like such a positive and loving mom. I want to be that kind of mom." But the key is that it doesn't make me 1) annoyed/jealous that another mom knows how to do those things, and 2) feel like I am less because I don't. 

I feel like I get down on myself enough on my own without adding anyone else into the mix! I think most moms are hard on themselves because we're all just very concerned about doing a good job. So there are many days where I go to bed and think back on the day and think, "Man, I sucked today. I raised my voice too much, I wasn't patient enough, I didn't give the kids any outside time, I still didn't fold that laundry..." the list goes on. But I also try to celebrate my victories, too. Sometimes Marcelo will come home from work and I'll whisper to him, "I haven't lost my cool a single time today." And he'll give me a high five because he gets it. 

I've been having a lot of emotional struggles for a long time. I haven't talked about them on here because I have just wanted to keep them private. And I haven't really felt like I could put into words how I am feeling. It's not because I'm trying to paint a perfect picture of my life. I think my closest friends and family know how far from picture perfect it is! I write on this blog to record all these things for my kids. And I haven't felt like it was time to talk about what I've been going through on here just yet. But the point is, I haven't wanted my kids to be affected by the way I've been feeling, so I've kind of overcompensated by going over the top with the stuff I do for them. I've gone out of my way to make things extra fun and special. And in doing that, it has made me feel better emotionally. Putting smiles on their faces puts a smile on mine. Honestly, I feel pretty annoyed at myself that I feel like I need to justify or explain why I do what I do. Because that means that I've let other people's opinions of me affect me and I really try not to do that. 

This whole experience has made me decide to share less. Or be more choosy about who I share with. I've always shared because the only reason I do a lot of things I do is because someone else shared and taught me the idea. I've gotten new family traditions that way, I've streamlined things in my life that way, I've gotten a new go-to recipe that way, and on and on. But this has just kind of made me think it's probably better to be a little less open at times. I think...I hope...that the people who know me well know that I am not a pompous show off. I'm very self-deprecating. I make fun of myself A LOT. It's a habit that has stuck since high school. I never ever try to make others feel less than. If I have ever done that to any of my friends, I am very sorry. Friendships are so important to me. Having a sisterhood means so much to this sister-less girl. And I THINK I'm a supportive friend. I am a loyal friend. I strive to lift, not tear down. I hope I am doing that to all the people closest to me. I hope I can teach my kids how to be that kind of friend.

Final thoughts after I have gone back and read this and agonized whether to hit publish or not:

1. I am very flawed. I have a lot of short comings. I do not think I'm better than anyone. I do not mean any of this post to sound like I think I'm super enlightened and awesome because I try hard to not compare myself to other moms. 

2. I'm really grateful for all the friends and family I have who love and support me, even with all my flaws.

3. Ugh, this is all so very dramatic. I'm done. I'll go back to posting pictures of my crazy kids now.

Crazy Girl

Eliana goes from sweet to psycho in 16 seconds. Camila barely notices, as she is just too used to her sister's crazy/scary voice.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151687103851269&l=7544366871731559094

Thankful

It's November, the month where we focus on all of our blessings. Our thankful tree is up and the kids love putting up a new lead each night. I'm instangramming my thankful list daily. It's just convenient. So here's the recap of the last 10 days.

Day 1: Thankful for sweet Diego. (kids get mentioned on their birth dates)

Day 2: Thankful for angel Camila.

Day 3: Thankful that my girls nap daily. It's precious time!!

Day 4: SO thankful I get to be Mommy to these 4 beautiful kids. (Took that miracle shot with my camera on self timer mode. Miracle!)

Day 5: Thankful for nitrous oxide...the only thing that kept Celo from freaking out at the dentist.

Day 6: Thankful that 3 out of 4 kids eat their veggies and ask for more. In the picture, Celo is stealing green beans off my plate. Take a wild guess who hates all healthy food.

Day 7: Thankful for morning walks and the awesome pictures Eliana takes on my phone while I exercise.

Day 8: Thankful for doctors and blood tests that figured out my health issues.

Day 9: Thankful that the internet makes it easy to but used things from other moms. Double jogging stroller for 25? Yes, please!

Day 10: This was the caption I put on the photo - Thankful for 10 years with my Ben Stiller look alike. (Or so we're told.) It's been 10 years of joy, laughter, and a rapidly receeding hairline. He responded, "I knew you laughed for 10 years, but I hadn't realized it was at my ever balding noggin." I replied, "It's a beautiful bald head, I think we both know that." I love that guy.