Someone help me

You know who I was today? I was that frazzled mom wearing smudged glasses and a messy ponytail, running after her wild children, just screaming to the world that she had lost complete control.

We went to the library to get a movie. I talked to the kids ahead of time and told them that first Mommy was going to look something up on the computer and get a book, and then we would go play in the kids' area and get a movie. They said okay. While I was at the computer, Diego pushed Celo around in his stroller and Celo screamed. I told them we needed to be quiet in the library and asked them to stay next to me. Diego took this to mean, "Push the stroller faster all around the people who are trying to read," and Celo interpreted it as, "Scream louder and throw your shoes on the ground." I frantically dug for snacks in my purse and tried to hush them with crackers. When that didn't work, I gave up on getting a book for myself and headed into the kids' area. Celo was thrilled to be let loose from his stroller, and the boys played nicely for about a millisecond.

Then Celo discovered that the little balls they were playing with made really loud noises if he threw them against the bookshelves. He laughed hysterically while throwing the balls as hard as he could, causing a BANG to be heard through the whole library. I took the balls away. He screamed bloody murder. I explained to him that we needed to be quiet and that he could have the balls back if he didn't throw them on the shelves. Diego handled himself well for the most part during all of this. The boys seemed to be playing pretty well at this point, so I sat down on a nearby chair. Celo, seizing the opportunity of not having his mother hover over him, took off running up and down the aisles of books. He laughed and laughed while he ran all over the place. Naturally, I chased him. I tried to hush him and told him "No running." Around this time, a few little girls came in and sat down and looked at books quietly while their mom sat with a book of her own. I wanted to ask her if we could trade children.

After it became apparent that Celo wasn't going to calm down and stop trying to pull books off the shelves to watch them crash to the floor, I decided I'd had enough. I tried to put him back into his stroller, which only made him turn into a wet noodle and scream his head off. I literally wrestled him into his stroller, while talking sweetly (only for the benefit of all those around me), saying things like, "Celo, it's time to get a movie. Want to watch a movie when we get home? What do you want to watch? Do you want to watch Mickey? Do you want to watch Nemo?" His response, between screams of course, was, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." Red with embarrassment, I strapped him in, firmly whisper-yelled through my teeth, "You stop screaming right now," and headed to the movie section, where I instructed Diego to quickly pick a movie.

Once we had our movies in hand, we went to the counter to check them out. Celo was happy because he was holding a movie with puppies on it. He didn't even mind when I took it from him to put it on the counter. Diego, seeing that Celo was no longer doing the job, decided to take his place as trouble maker. He climbed the counter and hung on it with his hands. I told him to get down. He rammed Celo's stroller into the counter. I told him that if he didn't stop, I wasn't going to get his movie. He climbed the counter again. The lady behind it said, "Don't do that. You're going to fall." I gave him the evil eye. He climbed it a third time. I said, "Alright. No movie." He screeched, "NOOOOOOOO." And I said, "Then be a good listener. Don't climb the counter." The lady finally finished checking out our movies, and we headed out the door, but not without getting dirty looks from everyone else in line.

That was our trip to the library.

If you can see that I am clearly doing something wrong, please tell me. Really. I would like to know. I'm not kidding. Obviously my children are crazy. If I did something to cause this, I would like to know, so I can reverse it before I go insane. So, what? Do I need a sticker chart? A belt with a big brass buckle? What? WHAT, I SAY?

The boys are now napping. There is laundry all over my living room floor. But I don't care. I'm going to take a nap, too. I'll be expecting your detailed instructions on what I should do to better raise my children.

Thank you.