36 Weeks

Here I am, 9 months pregnant with baby #4. (You should see the shoes I wore with this dress. I have some friends who would be very disappointed in me.)

I'll post the baby shower pictures, separately, but for now, some tidbits about being 9 months pregnant for the 4th time. I'd like to stress that I am not trying to be ungrateful for this enormous gift that Heavenly Father is giving me of being able to bring another baby into our family. However, I want to keep it real on this blog and not act like everything is flowers and rainbows.

I have come to realize that I have been extremely spoiled in my other pregnancies. I could reach my toes, bend down without much problem, and overall felt pretty good right up until the end. I am now "pushing 30", doing this for the 4th and last time, and wow what a difference! I can barely reach my toes, I feel like I'm going to fall over when I try to bend down, if I sit down on the floor I sit there and wonder how on earth I'm going to get back up, I have Braxton Hicks contractions on the daily, sometimes multiple times an hour, as of yesterday I feel like my pelvic bone is broken when I walk, I can't sleep well, and I am permanently exhausted. I feel really bad for my kids because our last 3 themed weeks have gone way downhill with very few activities and outings because my energy level is at an all time low. Thankfully Tata is around to take them away on fun vacations so they're not too bored in these last few weeks before their sister arrives. Marcelo said to me the other day, "You only have a few weeks left where these 3 kids will be your only kids." Makes me want to make it the best few weeks ever for them, and I will try, but I'm definitely more limited in what I can do.

On the other hand, I am thoroughly enjoying feeling Baby Girl kick and squirm. I'm enjoying the kids' reactions (well, Diego's really) to feeling her kick, too. I'm trying to soak in those wonderful parts of pregnancy that I will never experience again. It truly is a miracle.

I'm ALMOST ready for it. I'm trying not to think about the spinal I will have to get, or the fact that I will be getting cut open. I'm trying not to think about the fact that how tired I feel right now is NOTHING compared to how tired I will feel when I'm in newborn mode again. I have a few things left to do like pack the hospital bag, get the bassinet, and wash the rest of the blankets and baby things. So in that sense, I'm ALMOST ready. Emotionally...maybe a little farther. I am completely overwhelmed at the thought of being a mom to 4. I'm scared that Eliana is going to have a really hard time with it. I'm scared that I won't be able to give the boys the individual attention they so crave. I'm scared that my house will never be clean again and that laundry will control my life. I'm scared that breastfeeding will be a nightmare like it was with Eliana. Please oh please oh please let it be easy breezy like it was with Diego. BUT...I'm grateful that our family is growing. I'm looking forward to that feeling of being so close to heaven in the hospital, to newborn cuddles and coos, to watching Eliana and her sister grow to be friends like the boys did, and to meeting this little person!

What? Does it sound like I have two personalities? (Or as I like to call it, personathalys.) I'm pregnant. I'm allowed to be an emotional wreck.